'Before another bloody boring day at work or another bloody expensive night on the town, hit those pulsating jets of water and get ready for everything that lies ahead with a generous amount of this gel. Allow its revitalising ingredients to cleanse your naked body as you contemplate that your bloody exhausting gym sessions could be yielding better results and that your belly button really is a bloody odd shape. Finally, step out the shower, glance quickly at your watch and realise you better get a bloody move on'